So I’ve been wondering this planet for about 31 years; and in that time I’ve heard some pretty ridiculous things. Recently I’ve had an opportunity to reflect on some of the more truly stupid statements I’ve heard; what resulted is this list – because it’s just too good not to share. For people reading this, feel free to add your own truly memorable comments.
Stupid Status messages
N: would like to be a Sexy Psychiatrist when she grows up. (Think heather graham on scrubs.) Advantages: My face will look real nice on that best-seller book I would like to publish. Disadvantages: Psychostalkers.
Comment: Seriously? Someone really needs to stop watching reality TV… That stuff will rot your brain.
You might wanna think about flying Continental, people
Story 1: I checked in around 5:15pm at the Continental Kiosk in Newark. The computer after pulling my reservation asked me to wait for an attendent to check my documents… So I waited. About 5 min later a white lady meanders over and starts typing on the computer at desk behind my kiosk. So I waited patiently for about 4 min. After that time, the attendent looks up at me and asks “Sir, you are aware that your flight leaves at 6:30pm”. “no,” I replied, “It doesn’t. Its for 7:25pm, Flight no C050.”
The lady starts arguing with me that my flight is at 6:30pm. Finally after a few min of this, I pull out my Itinerary anad show her. She looks completely flabbergasted as she realizes that I was right.Then she argues with again, this time saying that she don’t know why they screwed up, but its screwed now. And that she doesn’t know what to do. Then she picks up a passport and starts looking at it intently. Since I’m holding my passport in my hands, I asked her who’s passport she was looking at. She replied, “Yours, Mr. Glen”.
“Mr. Glen???? Ummmm My name is Srikar, not Glen”.
She then argued with me that the man in the passport was me and that my name is Glen something-or-other. Finally I asked her to show me the passport she was holding. The man in the passport weighed 250 lbs, had red hair, and was WHITE!!!
Story 2: The stewardess on the way to Hyderabad came up to me and asked me which meal I’d prefer. I aksed her what my choices were. She replied “Chicken Stir Fry, the Kosher meal, or the Hindu veg. I chose the Indian veg. Then the stewardess asks if I placed the order before I checked in. I replied no. She tells me that I can’t have it as they only have enough for the people who requested special meals ahead of time. Then why did she offered me a choice in the first place????
On a more disturbing personal note… Continental no longer serves alcoholic beverages for free on international flights. Wine, beer, and an assortment of liquors can now be purchased for consumption on flight for $5.
4 years ago
Straight from Dilbert’s World
My boss (who for the duration of this note, I am going to refer to as Pointy Haired Boss, or PHB) asked me today to upgrade one of the only two PC’s in the lab. (Yes my PHB prefers macs, which is why there is 10 absolutely useless macs that can’t run any of the machines or microscopes and only 2 4 year old PC’s to run everything)
Service Pack 2 needed to be installed in order to run the microscope software for the microscope we recently acquired. So I downloaded Service Pack 3 (which was more recent - it included both service pack 2 updates as well as a few more recent updates) and installed it as I was told to do. I tested out the software - everything worked fine. I reported back to my PHB. I told her that I updated the system with Service Pack 3 and that the Microscope was working fine. She asked me why I updated it with Service Pack 3 when she asked me to get Service Pack 2. I explained that the 3rd one was more recent, and that it had the 2nd one included as well. I also reiterated that the system was working fine. She insisted that the tech guys told her we needed service pack 2. Now she wants me to remove Service pack 3 and put Service Pack 2 back on.
Price of Love
I was talking to this girl one time, and she was telling me about the diamond ring she’s always dreamed of – that’s right guys… she had one picked out and everything… hopefully someone tells any guy who wants to propose to her that they better check with her on which ring it is….
Girl: “the ring I want is $28,000.”
Me: (coughing) “Hold up… how much????”
Girl: “ $28,000”
Me: “You better find a rich guy then”
Girl: “What’s that have to do with anything?”
Me: “Well who else can afford it? What if the guy is dead broke?”
Girl: “If the guy truly loves me, he will find a way to get that ring for me when he proposes.”
Me: “Well then, I guess you can put a price on love…. In your case its $28,000.”
Girl: “What do you mean by that?”
I’m standing in security line at O’Hare international Airport about 2 years ago. It was a long line as is normal for Chicago. To speed things up the TSO was moving down the line checking our ID’s and boarding passes. As she approaches the person 2 places in front of me, someone stops her and asks a question. She answered and then turned back to her job. Only she forgot where she was in the line. So she asks the person she was standing in front if she had already verified his documents. Understandable…. but then she asks the next 5 passengers, including myself, the same question. Yes lady, You did verify my documents… really. And I also cleared the security line too… I’m just standing here for fun….
I feel safer knowing that the super sharp TSO force is looking out for our safety. Really I do.
Post break up
Girl to me on the phone (G): “You know I really want us to still be friends.”
Me: “Yeah sure, no worries”
G: “Well if we hang out, can you control yourself?”
Me: “I can…. Can you?”
G: “I know you are a really nice guy and will control yourself…. But if we hang out and if get on you, you might need to help me control myself.”
Girl calls me up one day: “Can I park here?”
Me: “Ummmm…. “
G: “I mean there is a sign on the fence that says no parking, but I wasn’t sure….”
G: “Well can I?”
The girl was in another state when she called me, and I have never been to that state…. But I’m guessing that the answer is No…
This story happened a few years back when I was an Undergrad at Mizzou. I was having lunch with my cousin and this girl I knew. We were having a normal conversation when out of the blue the girl looks at me and asks me
“Are Indian girls born with the red dot on their foreheads?”
The girl was majoring in Electrical Engineering, she was a minority herself, and her roommate was an Indian girl.
Racism in the Mid-West
I went to high school in Missouri. Yes I know the name conjures images of farms, cows, rednecks, and Country Music. But still, the town I grew up in housed one of the best Journalism colleges in the country, a great public school education (even for those of you who know me and beg to differ on that point, let me remind you that many others have graduated from that high school and doing phenomenal things with their lives). Anyway this incidence took place when I was in High School.
Random guy: “Hey you!!”
G: “Yeah you”
G: “We don’t need your kind here…. Why don’t you go back to Africa?”
The racist guy was black.
And the RACE-ism continues….
“I remember this one time I was on my high school retreat to the grand canyon at the end of my senior year of high school. Me and my Taiwanese buddy were in the bathroom at a gas station and the lady who was cleaning the urinals looked at the both of us and said “Well shit i guess they’ll let anyone in these places these days…”
The lady was CHINESE!!!”
Contributed by Alex Myla
Comment: I guess America really does have standards… After all it seems like its the uneducated janitors and crack dealing high school dropouts that descended from the slaves brought over by white people to pick cotton or work on the rail road who have the most to say about people coming to this country… go figure.
The Personal Massager from Sharper Image Story
It was a friend of mine’s birthday a few years back; for her birthday I purchased a handheld personal massager (not that kind you perverts… the kind you can buy at Sharper Image or Brookstone!!!). The girl in question was extremely delighted and proceeded to open the box up and take out the device. We were at a bar at that time with two other friends. Me and the other guys were in the middle of a conversation when I glanced over at the girl and see her holding the device in one hand, the power cord in the other, and a perplexed look on her face.
Me: “So what’s wrong? Is it broken or something?”
Girl: “No, I just can figure out where you put the batteries….”
The sad state of education in this country story
I was with the same girl at dinner one night where we ran into a friend of hers. A conversation ensued and in the course of that conversation, I noticed the guy had an accent. Being curious, I asked him where he was from. He replied, ”Bosnia”. We proceeded to talk a little about Bosnia and then the guy left to meet someone else. During dinner the girl asks me, “where is Bosnia?”
To which I replied, “you’re kidding me, right?”
Girl: “no really. Where is it?”
Me: “Ummm… you know where Croatia is? Serbia?”
Girl: “Are they in Africa?”
Keep in mind this girl is a college educated professional…. Remind me never to go to her college…
I’ll keep adding more updates as I either remember more stories, you guys send me some stories, or new ones happen. Till then, good luck… and good night.
Buddy…. it also belongs to the Guntaka’s…. or at least it use too…
5 years ago
So, was bored while I was eating my cereal and was messing around with google maps. Scrolled over to India, and starting poking around andhra. Saw that they’ve updated and have more detail than before. Even found a small town, Vuyyuru, near where my family’s village is. Out of curiosity, I took a look to see if I could find the village. Couldn’t find it on satellite view (couldn’t remember the orientation of the roads around there), so, on a whim, I search for this little village of about 1000 people, bollapadu. It shows up thanks to someone tagging it on Wikimapia. I click the link and a little window pops up with a descriptor, put in by some obscure relation:
“mera bollapadu mahan.it’s belonges to tummuru’s”
Wow, that just made my day.